This is where the word ‘referee’ comes in. Designed to be both judge and jury in any soccer match, the job of a referee is possibly the most difficult in the sport. If a player fails to score a goal one week, his coach may give him a talking to afterwards hut he always has the chance to redeem himself in the next encounter. But if a referee fails to spot the smallest foul, an offside, or denies a penalty, then that referee will be publicly humiliated fur the next month by a coach and players who haven’t yet realized that without a referee they can’t play a proper match.
So apart from bad-mouthing referees with other coaches or players, what are the ways to guarantee annoying any referee? Here’s your ten-step guide to successfully annoying any referee and finding yourself in their little black book.
1. Swear
Easy, you may think, but swearing has to be done in the right context and the right time in order to successfully annoy your referee. It’s no good swearing when you miss-kick the hail or when you miss a wide-open net; the referee will just dismiss that as frustration. In order to guarantee your place in referee’s book your language has to be excessive. Usually every other word will do and if there are children playing or watching the game the louder the better and you can be happy with seeing a yellow card. If, however, you want to go all the way and take an early bath your shortest route to a red card is to swear at the referee, call him or her what you will, no matter what you caB them, if they consider it offensive then you wifi be walking off the field before the 90 minutes are up.
2. Dissent
This is a good old favorite with any referee. Dissent their decisions at every possible chance and you will be looking at a yellow card. But be warned, each referee has a different level of tolerance, what you might get away with for one referee you wifi not get away with for another. Judge your use of dissent well.
3. Time Wasting
JThis one seriously annoys the majority of referees especially on a cold and wet December Saturday afternoon. If you are the goalkeeper, take just that little bit longer fishing the ball out of the hedge; if you are a player, take just that little extra time to take a throw time on and you could still be playing at midnight if he wants to get really picky about adding on time. But waste enough time and say hello to the little black book.
4. Fouls
An easy one really, but like swearing it has to be done at the right time. Get in a good late foul and then argue with the referee that it was ‘only the first’ and you will be in the book. Referees don’t care if it was your first, second or third foul, if it’s late, reckless, dangerous or just plain unsporting, you will be cautioned.
5. Offside
A contentious issue this one, ever since FIFA meddled with offside several years ago every player in the country seems to think Law 11 (Offside) has changed. Two words, it hasn’t. The offside law is the same as ever, all that happened was a clarification to referees from FIFA that a late and correct flag was better and more creditable than an early and wrong flag. Ask any referee if he wifi be playing to the ‘new’ offside rule and you can guarantee he will have you pegged as a ‘problem child’ for the rest of the game and will be looking for something to get you on.
6. Sexism
This will of course only work if the referee is female. Female referees are still considered ‘new’ to the game by some old-school folks, but they are making a big impact. Some of the best referees at the current time are women, but because of sexism at an international level they are being denied the chance to officiate big games because it’s felt that women won’t have the ‘authority’ over men on the field of play. But even in your local league game you can find yourself hauled off a pitch faster than you can say ‘jumping jack flash’ if you make sexist comments to any female referee. The women in the game these days are tough, they are good, and they don’t take it from anyone.
7. Asking the time
This may seem like a perfectly OK question to ask, but to any referee who is trying to concentrate on their game, it is guaranteed to annoy them. It will firstly break their concentration, possibly at a vital moment where a decision has to be made, but also because it is not you the player who decides how much time there is left to play, That decision is made by the referee himself, so if he wants to add on another five minutes because of injuries, time wasting or substitutions then that’s his or her right, You are just there to play soccer, Referees have been known to caution players for asking the time too much in a match. It can be and has been considered a form of dissent: after all you are questioning the referee as to their judgement.
8. Get in a referees way
Aceidents happen and occasionally players and referees do clash by running into each other; it’s just one of those things. But deliberately get in their way to block their view when a tackle is happening, or when a ball is going out for a corner or goal kick, and that will put you into their had books. And if a player does go down because of a foul and you dissent their decision not to give it because he couldn’t see because your hack was in the way then you will probably be asked your name and shown a card.
9. Encroachment
If a referee is in a really had mood hecause you have successfully done all or many of the things listed, just encroaching into the ten-yard area on a free kick or into the penalty area on a spot kick will get you put into the hook. This is a little-used eautionable offence at the moment, but referees who like to get the cards out or who are clamping down on discipline will caution for this offence if you do it more than once, It is an easy one, but again it has to he done in the right way.
10. Look the part of the problem child
Ask any referee with experience to point out, before the match, who will he the problem players, and they can do so with great accuracy. Those bright yellow shoes? That fake Mohawk haircut? Those six earrings, two necklaces and eyebrow ring that “1 can’t take off”? Those all scream ‘problem child’ and are a sure way to get in the referee’s little black hook at the first opportunity.
So as you can see the successful way to annoy a referee is actually quite easy. Don’t go down the old route of questioning their parentage or teffing them they need to get to new glasses. They prepare themselves for all those cracks and nine time out of ten they have some good replies that will leave you speechless for the next ten minutes. Silent players arc always a novelty.
Annoying a referee is an art form and while it is not condoned, you must remember there is one thing you can never do - and that’s attempt to change a referee’s mind. Once they have made a decision that’s it, it’s done, it’s over and you have to move on.
With thanks to fiord Arrowsmith from the Durham Region Soccer Association
